La poisson d'avril.

Blog tous les jour dans avril, woo? Euh, peut-être pas tous les jours. Mais je vais essayer! Hier, c'était Pâques. Toute la famille a venu à ma maison, donc j'ai devait nettoyer. Le dîner été magnifique, et aujourd'hui j'ai mangé les restes pour le déjeuner et le dîner. Mon frère a mangé 10 boules de la soupe! Je suis encore malade depuis la semaine dernière, mais je sens un peu meillure maintenant. J'ai seulement une petite toux. A demain!

Ce blog devient français!

Aujourd'hui je commence à écrire sur mon blog en français! Demain, je vais faire du ski. Maintenant, je vais me coucher. Bonne nuit!

New Agenda

Oops, I meant to start this post before midnight, and now I've missed the last day of August. September has arrived with the leaves on some of the trees starting to change color. Now my agenda has only one week left, so I need to go shopping for a new one. I still have every agenda from middle school onward...I've tried throwing them away but decided I should recycle all the paper instead of wasting it, so I shoved them in a box somewhere. I actually use it more now than when I was in school and I had things to plan, but I just write random thoughts more than what I actually have to do. Or if I hear a song on the radio and want to recall the artist later on. Sometimes it's useful for remembering stuff ahead of time, but I've found I use it more for remembering past stuff. Like, how I felt at the beginning of my job or noteworthy things. Today I wrote "Trading Spaces" because I thought of that show and remembered enjoying the crazy rooms some of the designers would create. I'm not actually going to go watch reruns of the show right now, but it was nice to have an outlet for my memories. It's easier to write things down because I can look at them and choose to let go of them instead of bogging down my mind with anxiety of unintentionally forgetting things that happened in my life that shaped me, even if the thoughts end up being trivial and pointless. On August 20th, I wrote "sweatervest motorcycle" to remind myself that I saw a man riding a motorcycle while wearing a sweatervest. I thought it was a bit quirky and worth jotting down. It's like gathering character traits for writing stories, except I'll probably never bring any characters to life through my writing. Maybe I'll imagine them in my head, or maybe I'll just store the information and remember not to judge people by stereotypes.

I made 5 paper cranes today for my paper-crane-mobile-thingamabob.

The weather has been absolutely lovely the past few days. Maybe that's why it's been so hard for me to write. I like to drive home with my windows down and sunroof open and easy-to-sing-along-to pop music on the radio. I am learning all of the words to Eminem's "Lose Yourself" so I can win rap battles at parties someday.

I've also decided I want to learn all the alphabets/various writing systems of the world. Cyrillic, Greek, Korean, Arabic, I already know Japanese. I don't know how many there are. I was always trying to make up secret code alphabets as a child, when here are these already-made secret codes that actually mean something if you talk to the right people. Maybe I should have gone into graphic design...it intrigues me.

One more day of Blog More Days Than Usual In August. And tomorrow is payday, and the beginning of a 3-day weekend for Labor Day!

Insecurity

Last night I read a lot of blog posts about being in your 20s, how to live it up wisely, other people's experiences, etc. My perspective on time is changing. I want to do it all, but I know I can't do it all in one year, I have to continually doing things my whole life if I want to get the most experience. I am just afraid that I will get tired out and not finish everything I want to do and then regret it. I want to go skydiving, I want to be good at guitar and piano, I want to be an amazing dancer of every kind, I want to be fit and have flat hard abs, I want to get my motorcycle license, I want to cook good food and eat ice cream and have a cute apartment where I can host dinner parties, I want to live on the east coast and the west coast, I want to go to Antarctica before it melts. I want to savor the time I have here with my parents because I know I won't have them around forever, and I will probably not call them every day when I am out on my own so at least they feel like they have a connection with me now. My mom keeps nagging me about asking my boss when I can get signed on as full time instead of an intern and make more money. I know she barely asks me once a day and not in a naggy way, but it stays with me and plagues me constantly so even though it might appear like I don't understand my dire financial situation because I am not acting on it, I really do, and it feels like nagging. I know it's something I need to say because who doesn't want more money, and they are not going to offer me something if I don't act interested or professional or ready to take on the responsibility. I never understood why people want power. It's like they think when they are on top everyone is going to listen and follow their rules, but that's not how it works. People do what they want, and it's so stressful trying to keep them in line. I don't want responsibility, I don't really care to keep people on track. Lately I have been thinking of getting a second job at night as a barista or something. I do need more money and I think it would be good to have the experience dealing with customers, but then I would have no time to myself. I feel like I need to struggle in order to become a stronger person. Sometimes I think my struggle in life has been not having to struggle that much so I am emotionally weak and I have never fought for what I want. But sometimes I think that I just belittle my struggles after they happen and start crying for no reason and think "I'm such a crybaby...I'm so weak". Get over it. You are not the center of the universe. Nobody cares. They are too busy thinking about themselves.

I went for a drive with my dad to practice driving the jeep, and we drove past my mom and dad's old houses growing up. It's something I tried to do before but I wasn't sure if I was looking at the right houses or not. He knows the area so well and the names of all the families who used to live in each house and how many kids they had and what it used to be like. I stalled out like 3 times trying to take off after the light switched from red to green, but I think I am getting better still. Definitely a lot to learn.

Brave Little Toaster

It was so sad separating our stuff. We are really moving into a new era. It was exciting to see my friends' new apartments, fresh and clean and spacious. It makes me want to get my own. I think it might actually be feasible to get a second job at nights and live closer to work to save up money.

Friday night we went to Crunchy's and sang karaoke. It has a nice atmosphere that makes you smiley and giddy even if you are not drunk. And I don't think it's just me who feels that way. I finally sang karaoke in front of people and none of them even looked at me. Fear conquered! "Be the radio you wish to hear in the world."

I had a good weekend, but I feel lonely. I went to the dairy store and got raspberry chocolate chunk in a waffle cone...the waffle cone was stale, but at least not too crunchy.

Botox

Today I was going to make a collage, finally, using the mod podge I bought and an old calendar with cute animals, and either a box or an empty applesauce jar. Of course, I have to blog every day in August and dinner fell right in the middle of things and I had to take a shower, and I am going to pack some things for the weekend after I finish this, so I'll get around to it another time.

I planned a picnic for today and it rained. But it was a good day for rain after my low day yesterday. Washed clean. We sat under the pavilion on the picnic tables, and Jessica brought cinnamon muffins that she made. Later at work, some company brought a box of donuts and I got one on the way out. And when I got home, I found some Meijer sugar cookies on the counter (not as good as FHS but still amazing!). Yummy food can not fail to make me happy, even if it is only temporary. How unhealthy is that perspective?

I was making a lot of flavors today with small amounts of chemicals and I accidentally sucked the acetic acid too fast through the pipette and now my lips are swollen. At least they turned back to a normal color though, at first there was a bluish-white tint to them. I did not ingest anything, so I think I will be ok. I just look like I got some botox. I hope it mellows out in the night so I don't look like a washed-up celebrity look-a-like tomorrow.

Yesterday sensei talked about how karate people move differently than normal people, catlike or snakelike through crowds and around corners. The reason being that we move through the hips and have good balance and agility from training. I thought I was just born with it, but I have been doing karate for a long time so maybe that is why and I never realized it? After my epic fall last month at work I have been moving extra-carefully, but I blame it on my clunky shoes.

I am craving a box of good old Kraft Macaroni and Cheese with fun shapes. It's happening soon.

Last on my list of thoughts for today: I always hear these great Audrey Hepburn quotes and she is known for being so classy, but i have never seen any of her movies. Maybe I need to have a movie night.