I made 5 paper cranes today for my paper-crane-mobile-thingamabob.

The weather has been absolutely lovely the past few days. Maybe that's why it's been so hard for me to write. I like to drive home with my windows down and sunroof open and easy-to-sing-along-to pop music on the radio. I am learning all of the words to Eminem's "Lose Yourself" so I can win rap battles at parties someday.

I've also decided I want to learn all the alphabets/various writing systems of the world. Cyrillic, Greek, Korean, Arabic, I already know Japanese. I don't know how many there are. I was always trying to make up secret code alphabets as a child, when here are these already-made secret codes that actually mean something if you talk to the right people. Maybe I should have gone into graphic design...it intrigues me.

One more day of Blog More Days Than Usual In August. And tomorrow is payday, and the beginning of a 3-day weekend for Labor Day!

Insecurity

Last night I read a lot of blog posts about being in your 20s, how to live it up wisely, other people's experiences, etc. My perspective on time is changing. I want to do it all, but I know I can't do it all in one year, I have to continually doing things my whole life if I want to get the most experience. I am just afraid that I will get tired out and not finish everything I want to do and then regret it. I want to go skydiving, I want to be good at guitar and piano, I want to be an amazing dancer of every kind, I want to be fit and have flat hard abs, I want to get my motorcycle license, I want to cook good food and eat ice cream and have a cute apartment where I can host dinner parties, I want to live on the east coast and the west coast, I want to go to Antarctica before it melts. I want to savor the time I have here with my parents because I know I won't have them around forever, and I will probably not call them every day when I am out on my own so at least they feel like they have a connection with me now. My mom keeps nagging me about asking my boss when I can get signed on as full time instead of an intern and make more money. I know she barely asks me once a day and not in a naggy way, but it stays with me and plagues me constantly so even though it might appear like I don't understand my dire financial situation because I am not acting on it, I really do, and it feels like nagging. I know it's something I need to say because who doesn't want more money, and they are not going to offer me something if I don't act interested or professional or ready to take on the responsibility. I never understood why people want power. It's like they think when they are on top everyone is going to listen and follow their rules, but that's not how it works. People do what they want, and it's so stressful trying to keep them in line. I don't want responsibility, I don't really care to keep people on track. Lately I have been thinking of getting a second job at night as a barista or something. I do need more money and I think it would be good to have the experience dealing with customers, but then I would have no time to myself. I feel like I need to struggle in order to become a stronger person. Sometimes I think my struggle in life has been not having to struggle that much so I am emotionally weak and I have never fought for what I want. But sometimes I think that I just belittle my struggles after they happen and start crying for no reason and think "I'm such a crybaby...I'm so weak". Get over it. You are not the center of the universe. Nobody cares. They are too busy thinking about themselves.

I went for a drive with my dad to practice driving the jeep, and we drove past my mom and dad's old houses growing up. It's something I tried to do before but I wasn't sure if I was looking at the right houses or not. He knows the area so well and the names of all the families who used to live in each house and how many kids they had and what it used to be like. I stalled out like 3 times trying to take off after the light switched from red to green, but I think I am getting better still. Definitely a lot to learn.

Brave Little Toaster

It was so sad separating our stuff. We are really moving into a new era. It was exciting to see my friends' new apartments, fresh and clean and spacious. It makes me want to get my own. I think it might actually be feasible to get a second job at nights and live closer to work to save up money.

Friday night we went to Crunchy's and sang karaoke. It has a nice atmosphere that makes you smiley and giddy even if you are not drunk. And I don't think it's just me who feels that way. I finally sang karaoke in front of people and none of them even looked at me. Fear conquered! "Be the radio you wish to hear in the world."

I had a good weekend, but I feel lonely. I went to the dairy store and got raspberry chocolate chunk in a waffle cone...the waffle cone was stale, but at least not too crunchy.

Botox

Today I was going to make a collage, finally, using the mod podge I bought and an old calendar with cute animals, and either a box or an empty applesauce jar. Of course, I have to blog every day in August and dinner fell right in the middle of things and I had to take a shower, and I am going to pack some things for the weekend after I finish this, so I'll get around to it another time.

I planned a picnic for today and it rained. But it was a good day for rain after my low day yesterday. Washed clean. We sat under the pavilion on the picnic tables, and Jessica brought cinnamon muffins that she made. Later at work, some company brought a box of donuts and I got one on the way out. And when I got home, I found some Meijer sugar cookies on the counter (not as good as FHS but still amazing!). Yummy food can not fail to make me happy, even if it is only temporary. How unhealthy is that perspective?

I was making a lot of flavors today with small amounts of chemicals and I accidentally sucked the acetic acid too fast through the pipette and now my lips are swollen. At least they turned back to a normal color though, at first there was a bluish-white tint to them. I did not ingest anything, so I think I will be ok. I just look like I got some botox. I hope it mellows out in the night so I don't look like a washed-up celebrity look-a-like tomorrow.

Yesterday sensei talked about how karate people move differently than normal people, catlike or snakelike through crowds and around corners. The reason being that we move through the hips and have good balance and agility from training. I thought I was just born with it, but I have been doing karate for a long time so maybe that is why and I never realized it? After my epic fall last month at work I have been moving extra-carefully, but I blame it on my clunky shoes.

I am craving a box of good old Kraft Macaroni and Cheese with fun shapes. It's happening soon.

Last on my list of thoughts for today: I always hear these great Audrey Hepburn quotes and she is known for being so classy, but i have never seen any of her movies. Maybe I need to have a movie night.

The Boringest Post of the Month

Blog every day in August, yeah. I didn't think of much to talk about today. I heard Kelly Clarkson's "Miss Independent" on the way home and I remembered the first time I heard her sing it on TV...That was over 10 years ago, can you believe it?! I also followed through with the Japanese learning. I made and listened to CDs of the dialogues and vocab from my book, woot! Yuppers. I need to learn how to be creative while tired or just go to bed.

Japanese

My last two posts ended a little on the depressing side. I didn't mean for it to be like that. Today at work, two people asked me if I was alright. I didn't think I looked sad but maybe I did. If you ask if I'm alright and I say yes in an alright tone, then you say it doesn't sound like it, you are wrong. I am alright. I am not "good" or "well" or "excellent" or "awesome", I answered your question, I'm just alright.

I've resolved to relearn all of the Japanese I knew from last year. I'm going to listen to it every day and then I'm going to have brilliant conversations with myself about taking pictures of the temple and finding the bathroom.

Chocolate Frogs

On my lunch break I explored the creek in the park where I eat every day. I brought my camera and took pictures. I heard some plops in the water and I figured out there were little frogs or toads jumping from the bank into the water, probably to get away from me. I like seeing all the little things going on in nature--you really can't capture them on film. It's going to be really cool when the leaves change color!

After lunch, I found out the freezer in the kitchen stopped working and everything was melted and started to smell, so we had to throw it all away. It was so sad tossing all the wasted chocolate pieces.

I realized I started biting my lip again today. I tend to do that when I am feeling stressed and don't know it. I am being patient, but I am starting to feel unsettled again.

Pediartics

On the way to the karate camp today I noticed a sign that said "Pediartics" instead of "Pediatrics". I'm pretty sure the sign is not new, but I've never noticed the mistake before, which should have been really obvious. I looked at the back of the sign as we passed because it was too late to do a double take, and the back side was correct. I thought maybe I just had a dyslexic moment. However on the way home, I looked again just to make sure, and it was definitely wrong. A few weeks ago at a frozen yogurt place they had signs on the wall in which they spelled "protien" and "yougurt". I mean, really? How do you call yourself a legit establishment if you can't even spell the name of your product correctly? That's so embarrassing.

I think it's so interesting that life never gets old. At karate camp there were people aging from 6 to 50-something, all learning the same thing. Maybe learning it for the first time, or refining it, or seeing it from a different perspective, but everyone can get something out of it. No matter how old you get, there are always new experiences to have and new things to learn. Life is so big.

We did tai chi in the rain, and it reminded me of this blog. There are a lot of similarities between karate and dancing.

Life is big, but also fragile. This past week, two brothers from my high school got hit by a drunk driver and one of them died and the other is apparently recovering, but I don't know what kind of condition he was in. I didn't know them except their names and they might have been in my physics class. But this is the third person from my graduating class that has died in a car crash. It's weird to think, we're all just going along and eventually we will all drop off, some earlier than others, but it's going to keep happening at a faster rate as we age. I'm not even good friends with that many people from my high school, but it's kind of sad when a bunch of facebook friends post sad statuses about how life is too short and thoughts and prayers go out to the family.

Good Friends

I almost thought I ran out of time to write a post today but I have a few minutes before midnight! I just got done catching up with some clannies. I painted my nails with Nicole and of course we talked about boys.

The karate camp was kinda fun...I enjoyed learning new kata. I was going to review hiragana and katakana today so I could write in Japanese during the lecture tomorrow but I didn't get around to it.

Sometime soon I am going to crack open my mod podge and make a collage.

Raspberry Puree

One time at work I had to find some raspberry puree to make an ice cream base sample, and I got the song "Raspberry Beret" in my head, only replacing the word beret with puree.

One time I told Max I did karate, and then Rudy started calling me "Karate Kid" in his old-man Jamaican accent. Hmmm, I wonder who told him. Rudy is such a gossiper--he knows everything that goes on around the plant.

One time at work I was carrying a pail and I tripped on a pallet with my clunky shoes and fell what felt like upside-down. I was alright, but my hand still has a weird bump on it. For about a week I could feel a mushy texture under my skin where the giant bruise was, but now it's small and solid. It's not very noticeable though.

One time at work I was dumping out old flavor samples in the sink and I felt like I was creating a masterpiece of swirl art. It was really cool when I dumped out a white emulsion and then a vibrant blue or green or red on top of it and it made interesting patterns.

Today I had to get rid of a bunch of failed fillings. Some of them were like jello molds and some were just thick and pasty. I kneaded my hands into them to break them up a little before shoving them down the sink to be destroyed by the garbage disposal. I like to get my hands dirty. I am not a huge fan of 8-hour days and long commutes but I really am a lot less emo than when I was in school. I want to remember how I felt during that time, how hard it was, because being away from it makes it seem easy.

Also, today I went to get lunch with Heather. She talks about whatever is on her mind, and she is so energetic and friendly. I still don't feel like we've clicked as friends, but we have enough in common to get along well.

This weekend is the annual summer karate mini-camp. I am excited for the morning tai-chi and hopefully more art and movement than fighting.

This one time at band camp

This week on my way home I have driven past the beginning of the season marching band practices of a local high school. God, it makes me nostalgic. I turn down the radio and roll down the windows, even if they are just standing and not playing, but hopefully once they get the drills down they will play more music. The kids look so little. I always think of myself as still being their age, and forget how old I am, how much more I have experienced since then.

It's that time of year, a new beginning. Fall is coming. When I drove past the marching band, I smelled it, or somehow sensed it. I can't believe I'm not going back to school for the first time. I will just keep on going to work, every day, doing my mad scientist thing. But I do feel cleansed, refreshed, relieved, ready to move into a new season of life.

Low brass sectionals were the best. Those were good days.

Boys are like radio stations.

A thought I had the other day on my long commute: boys are like radio stations. Or rather than boys, dating in general. When the announcer says your jam is coming on, but after the commercial break and traffic update. Do you wait? Probably not. You switch stations and find the next best thing on, unless all the other stations are on commercial break at the same time, which is not an implausible discovery. Or maybe the only other song on is the one that makes you cringe. In that case, you would go back to the first station and wait patiently for your favorite song. Or you might find a decent song and forget about the anticipation you had for the first. Or maybe you turn back to it at the last second and only hear the last verse. It's too late, you missed it. It's all a gamble. Love; music. And by you I mean me. Or maybe it's me reading this back in the future, because let's be real, who else reads this? In which case, I do mean you.

What is the point of this? Just to create an extended metaphor, I guess. Welcome to BEDA, day one. I hope there will be many musings and happy thoughts. I was reminded yesterday by a good friend that it takes practice to become a better creative writer. Let's see where the month goes.