Can't focus.

At the beginning of every new period of my life, whether it be a new school year, a new year, a new summer, whatever, I am always determined to work hard and be less distracted and be more successful. It works for awhile, but I am at the point right now where I am starting to waver from my self-promises and not care about my goals. But sometimes I put too much work into something and worry about it and stay up all night finishing it, then the teacher pushes back the deadline or something. I feel like I used to be good at school, but now that I am in with a bunch of people on the same level as me, I am near the bottom and it is so frustrating. I wish I knew what I wanted to be so I could look to that when I am stressed and remember why I am doing this. Right now, it's so that I can get a good job that will pay off my loans :/

Being at a large university in the engineering program and also in rowing, I am often angsty and selfish and think about how easy everyone else's life must be. Honestly, my life is not that hard though. I have loving parents, wonderful friends, a house, enough money, Jesus, and those are the things that matter. I don't want to live an empty life and regret sitting around doing nothing, because I do enough of that already. Engineering is one of those things that you want to have done, but don't want to do while you are doing it, but if you were to just skip ahead, the strength you built up from all the pressure is what makes you able to be an engineer.

I took a break from blogging to try to figure out my homework, and now Excel doesn't have the right kind of plot I need, so I am giving up! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. And I have to do a group lab worksheet by myself, and I don't know what I am talking about and what numbers to plug into the formulas.