End of season, part II.

Ok, a little overdue, but I am finally getting around to finishing my blog about the weekend. After the first day, a bunch of people went swimming in the lake in the backyard of the house we were at. No one brought bathing suits, so a lot of people wore spandex or unis. I wore my uni, because I didn’t have anything else and I didn’t want to miss out. So it was definitely wet in the morning and I had to put it on for my race. It was a lot wetter than Sarah’s which made her feel a little better because she likes to complain and it was good for her to know that mine was worse. I didn’t really care though, I had a wet uni in Philly too when I lent it to Mary for her to weigh in and then it rained, soaking everyone and everything, so I knew it would dry faster if I put it on. Also, I have an awesome uni-tan now. More of a burn actually, but it’s peeling and slowly turning into a tan. I have to even it out now though, which is going to be pretty tough. I need to learn to use sunscreen more…oops.

My mom also took a lot of pictures at the regatta. I appreciate all the pictures, sure, and we finally took a boat picture, but she also uses the video camera a lot. This I would appreciate if she took it of the right things, but she follows my boat around when we are carrying it and when I look bad in general. Ugg. Maybe someday I will be grateful for these videos of me, but I haven’t actually seen them yet.

The ride back was long, as usual, but there were only 3 of us in the back seat. So I actually had a lot of room, but it’s too far to lean on someone then, or maybe it’s just me, and I could not sleep well at all. Then when we got back around 2:00 am, there was of course a party celebrating the last regatta and the end of the season. I don’t drink, but basically everyone else was. I was just staying up because I don’t like to miss out on stuff and I was waiting for my coxswain to get there in case she had paper plate awards for our boat. And I wasn’t really tired anymore by then. So when the rest of my boat got there, except one wasn’t coming, they were like “come on, we’re doing a shot together!” but they said it didn’t have to be alcohol since I don’t drink, so I did half-and-half, which was kind of a big event, but not really. Then I went back to lurking around the edges and watching drunk people dancing silly. Then just before 5:00, Piano Man finally came on, and when that song comes on it’s tradition for all the guys drop down to their underwear and stand in a circle and sing it, and sometimes the girls gather in the middle, so I got pulled into that. Then I went to bed for about 2 hours before I was asked if I wanted to go to breakfast, so I went with 2 other sober people and 5 still-drunk people who made it through the night and we all got pancakes, while the hostess sat the police about 2 tables away, and it was really funny.

Then I slept more, and finally went home for the summer, which was happy and sad at the same time. Now I have been sleeping in my own BED and there is food in the fridge/cupboards most of the time, and I get to see my kitty :) I will miss people over the summer, but I’m definitely glad for the comforts of home and the friends who live here. So far I haven’t done much, I looked at a lot of facebook pictures, I went to Meijer with my mom and it was all rearranged and weird, I made oatmeal chocolate-chip cookies with Annie, and I went to the high school band concert which made me reminisce about the good old days in band before everything was remodeled. And apparently 19 teachers are retiring next year! Everything is changing so much, which I suppose is inevitable, but it’s sad, it doesn’t feel the same anymore. I feel like I’m getting old so fast!

[Edit:] I forgot the song of the day AGAIN! Anyways, it is: Transparent by the Moaning Myrtles

Last regatta of the season!

It’s been a while, and a lot has happened. I of course put off writing about anything, because no matter how hard I try, I just can’t seem to find it a way to let out my feelings because I have a negative perspective toward writing in general, like all the years of writing papers, and it just takes time and such. But I think about blogging a lot, and all the things I would like to remember, and it is easier than journaling, even though I do like the actual handwriting aspect of journaling. Anyways, moving on to actual stuff.

Thursday was my last day of boredom before I got to head home. I actually went and walked down Grand River with Katrina and we hung out at Barnes and Noble for a long time, and I was tempted to buy books but I resisted because they are so expensive and I can always go to the library. I really want to read Paper Towns and Maureen Johnson books and classics like Pride and Prejudice and everything, but I can wait for now. Then we went to Insomnia Cookies and I had a snicker doodle and a chocolate chunk cookie and they were delicious, even though I probably should have spent money on a book rather than cookies. Then I think I probably watched more TV or something, until it was time to get ready to meet at Dem at 1:00 a.m. to depart for Tennessee. Emily also came by the house after her practice because she was dropped off and had nowhere else to go, and I hadn’t seen her in about a week since we had different practice times and she was going back and forth from school a lot.

Then we had a 12ish hour van ride down to Tennessee, rigged the boats, had practice, the lightweights and coxswains weighed in, and then we went to the house of the grandparents of a girl on the team where we ate dinner. The neighborhood was amazingly nice, even nicer than my mom’s friend Phyllis’s house! The team was split up to stay at 8 different houses nearby of very nice hospitable people, and everyone got a bed or at least an air mattress to sleep on, which was very nice compared to the floor that I’ve been on for the past 2 weeks. The house that my boat stayed in was so nice, very spacious and they had 2 double beds for us in the basement, and they let us use all 3 of their showers, and they were even kind enough to give us towels to use. I kept thinking the whole time, people actually live there! I could not imagine living in a house that nice. Not to mention they probably have a spectacular view in the backyard, if it’s anything like the other house where we ate, which had a deck upstairs looking out on the dock where they had a boat and beautiful mountains in the background over the water. Tennessee is definitely up there on my list of favorite states.

The next morning we woke up early like usual to head back to the main house where all the vans would drive us to the race site, which is the same one as SIRA, which is soooo pretty. My first race pretty early, and my parents came all the way to watch me. I felt bad that they were mostly just standing around because they don’t understand anything about rowing and they don’t know anyone and it is just a lot of standing around anyways, but it was nice of them and they enjoyed it a little at least. In my first race we came in 2nd in our heat out of 3 heats for the WV4+, so we had to come in 1st in the semifinals to move to the grand finals, but we came in 2nd again. Both races were close though, we were behind near the middle and then we moved through other boats and both times we were in the boat of the 1st place. So we ended up in the petite finals and we got third, which didn’t really matter anyways since it doesn’t count for anything, but we had a good last race of the season, at least in my novice-in-a-varsity-boat opinion. It would probably help if I was a more competitive person, but it is kind of unmotivating if you don’t have a chance to win anything no matter how well you do.

This is getting pretty long, and it’s a lot later than I wanted to stay up, so I’m going to continue it tomorrow…

I have forgotten songs of the day in my last 2 posts, but I actually remembered this time!
Song of the day: Dave Matthews Band—Funny the way it is

Embarrassing parents and a feast.

I really honestly thought I would blog more this week, but there are too many people around. I wish I could just remember all the things I thought to blog about because there are so many things I've been thinking about since I am so bored, but all of them can't stay in my head at once.

This past Saturday was the rowing picnic, like how we would have banquets for other sports in high school. I didn't think coach was going to talk that much, but I have realized rambling is pretty much a requirement of being a coach. It was nice to eat lots of food since I have been limiting myself due to not wanting to go out/spend money. Then I went home for the day with my parents. I got to see my kitty and my mom did my laundry and my brother drove us to church and we went to Sonic and my mom made me pick up job applications from a couple places. I know I need a job, but I HATE applications/forms/paperwork. Uggh. My parents asked if I was craving any certain foods since they know I have not been eating real food in a while. I said pizza (not from Little Caesar's) and a smoothie. It's surprising, living in a college house, that I have not actually had real pizza yet. Today I had a brunch with some of the guys though and it was nice to eat real food. I was lame and contributed English muffins, but it was enough that I got to have scrambled eggs and steak & potatoes and a lemon poppyseed muffin with icing.

Speaking of "some of the guys", when my parent came to pick up my stuff on Saturday, it was funny to see their reaction to the house. I am sleeping in a basement bedroom with 3 other guys, and it's ironic, because I am actually the girl that is least sleeping with guys. there are 2 couples sharing mattresses on the third floor, and another girl who mooches off other guys to share their bed because she didn't want to sleep on the floor. They really are good guys though.

My dad thought the house was so "classic", he wanted to take a picture of me in front of it because he couldn't believe I was staying at a place so grungy. I refused, but he took a picture of the house by itself anyways. And when they dropped me back off, they also picked up my bike from my old dorm where I left it because I didn't need it and they realized they never got a picture of me in front of my dorm and when are we going to come back here, so they made me stand in front of it and take a picture, even though there is construction in the background and you probably can't even read the name of the building in the photo. Then when they took me back to the house, they made me learn how to open the basement window, just in case there was a fire, and then my mom wanted to be introduced to everyone who was outside (participating in "wine and hammock day"), and one of the guys in my room said he had a fifth of vodka laying in there so he went in and put it in the freezer when he saw my parents drive up. I love my parents a lot; they are great people and I admire them, but they are pretty embarrassing sometimes. But I figure everyone's parents are embarrassing at times and other people aren't going to judge me for that, yet I just pretend it's not happening and then I go back to being awkward and lurky. Oh my life...

Out of internet hibernation.

Hello blog, long time no see! I went without a computer for a whole week! Not on purpose, but surprisingly it wasn't actually that hard. I was really busy, so I guess I was distracted. Finals ended on Wednesday and then I had to hurry up and pack up my whole dorm room and move my stuff to a teammate's apartment where I would be staying for 2 weeks after we got back from Pennsylvania, so until Sunday I didn't have internet because I was out of town, and then when we got back, the apartmenit didn't have wireless internet.

Then the girl's roommate freaked out about all of us rowers staying there and we had to move to the crew house, which is a smelly house full of guys. So that's where I am now. I didn't notice it much when I was just here for a few hours at a time for a party, but I could not imagine actually living here. I guess that's why I'm not a guy. The negatives: it smells like alcohol on the first floor, and it smells just plain bad on the third floor (the second floor and basement aren't horrendous I guess, but not as pleasant as I would prefer, but I am living with it), and it's raining outside so I can't spend my time out there where it smells like nature. And I don't have food to cook for meals because I'm lazy and I hate cooking and I thought I would just go out more. So basically I feel like I am just lurking/moping around all the time with nothing to do and not fitting in. It's not as bad as I make it seem though. I mean, there are positives; for one, I have internet now so I am not as bored. And some of the guys staying here are pretty cute. So here I am in a basement bedroom writing in my blog...

I also got my grades back when I finally got internet, and I got what I think I deserved. I mean, I was just glad that I didn't fail anything at this point. So I guess that means I did on the good side of what I expected. I did horrible on my last paper for U.S. and the World, which was almost half my grade, so I guess I could have done better, but I was just sick of the stupid topic that I already wrote about twice, "Why did the U.S. move from relative isolationism to and international role and what were the consequences of this shift", over extended time periods. I am not a history person or a writer, plus I am a major procrastinator, and I didn't want to take the class, but it was the only one open. I'm just glad it's over. No homework for like 3 whole months! I just have to find a summer job now.

That's all I feel like writing right now, but I'm sure there is a ton more to talk about and I have what seems like an infinite amount of time this week, so I will probably write a lot more when I get bored. Peace!

Double-life.

Sooooo...I should of course be studying for my last BIG exam tomorrow, but of course I'm not. So I'm writing instead. Tomorrow I am supposed to move out of my dorm and move some of my stuff into the apartment where I'll be staying for the 2-ish weeks after we get back from Dad Vails and before ACRAs. It's weird to think that tomorrow is the last day of my first year of college. It doesn't feel like an ending, but maybe that's just because I'm coming back. This time last year, I was getting senioritis and wanting to have freedom for the summer, but scared as hell of going away to college and not seeing my pseudosisters every day. It's crazy how much has happened in the past year. I feel like I should write a list or something, but it just doesn't feel like the end. I will be sad to leave rowing for the summer, and worried that I might not be able to find a part-time job, and miss the fact that I can do whatever I want whenever I want without telling my parents where I'm going, when I'm going, how I'm getting there, when I'll get back. But I am really excited to be home too. I have 2 separate lives now, and it's just a weird concept to think about.

Song of the day: Kelly Clarkson--My Life Would Suck Without You
(These are harder than I thought--usually I just use the song in my head at the time, but now I have to try to get a new song in my head when I post because it's a repeat. Or sometimes the song in my head is a song that is really annoying/I don't like/I don't know the name of and I don't want to write down a bad song for the song of the day, so I have to find a good one. I'm gonna go eat lunch see if that inspires me. Also, apparently I have exactly 333 songs on my iPod right now.)

This is not supposed to be morbid...I'm just sayin'

Finals week is in full swing now. Today was my first one, for "Intro to Human Genetics" which I thought I was going to do horrible on because the previous exams in that class were so unfairly written, but a lot of the questions were recycled so maybe I didn't do too terrible. Nevertheless, I still don't want to get my hopes up just in case. Now I just have calc 3, which I have to learn by Wednesday and I'm not looking forward to, and an engineering multiple choice test, which barely counts as an exam. And I get my last paper back from "US and the World" so hopefully I scraped a decent grade and the extra credit will boost it up.

Overall though, I think I got pretty lucky with finals in my first year of college. Last semester I only had 2, though they were both hard ones, and this semester I have 2 hard ones and 1 easy one. Or maybe I just don't get as stressed out about them as other people. First of all, I am a skilled procrastinator, so that saves me a week or two of anxiety before finals, and then before you know it they are over, so no more to worry about. And second, in the long run, it doesn't really matter how well I do, as long as I live my life. Today Coach was driving some of us home from practice, and he can be kind of a scary driver sometimes, and Kelly made some joking remark about how if we were killed in a car accident, at least we wouldn't have to take finals. Then that transitioned into the subject of Coach's brother's roommate committing suicide the week before finals a few years ago. He just mentioned it so bluntly, and it was kind of shocking, but not necessarily surprising. I find I am not really surprised by anything, or maybe I am just really accepting or something, I dunno.

So anyways, this got me thinking about how if I were to commit suicide (WHICH I AM NOT!), would I be missed? I mean, sure, people would be sad and my parents would miss me and a few of my best friends, but would their life be any worse without me? I feel like people would think it was so tragic and whatever, but I don't add anything. I mostly just lurk in the background. I live vicariously through other people, and I am there for them if they need it, but why would they pour out their secrets to me if it's not reciprocated? I know that I am a trustworthy person, but it doesn't really matter what I think, it's what I do, or else no one knows about it. I don't know why it's so hard for me to open up to people though. I think part of it is the fact that I don't do anything interesting, and I guess part of me likes being mysterious, for some subconscious reason. I didn't mean to get off on that little tangent there, I was just thinking about stuff and trying to write it down so maybe someday I will finally figure out what I've been trying to say for so long.

On a completely unrelated note, today this was on Fmylife.com:

"Today, I sent everyone a text on my phone book saying, "Happy Star Wars Day!!!
May the Fourth be with you!!" I forgot to uncheck my exgirlfriend's number. She
texted back, "one of the many reasons I broke up with you." FML"

I thought that was cute, I wish there were more guys like that. Of course, I would probably never know if there were because I don't know how to have real conversations with most people. I have never actually heard of Star Wars Day, but I am a Harry Potter fan so I can relate. I wonder if he knows about nerdfighting.

Well, it has gotten extremely late, and I have extremely early morning practice, so I am going to try to sleep now. The past 2 nights I haven't slept well because I am sick, so we'll see how it goes. One more day to learn math, let's hope I'm not too tired to take anything in!

Song of the day: All-American Rejects--Gives You Hell

I think I forgot how to come up with titles...

Happy May, peoples of the world! Today is my good friend/pseudosister's birthday as well! I think that's a good word, pseudosister. I have 4 friends that are like sisters to me, and I when I think about other people, the word friend seems too strong, because I hold it up to the standards of my pseudosisters. In reality, these other people should be my "friends" even though they are not on the level of my "true" friends.

Here is my unofficial "mission statement" from my first blog post:

"I'm not really sure what I'll write in here yet, and I don't feel like
making any rules or goals that will inhibit my desire to continue blogging.
It will hopefully be a process of self-discovery and just an outlet for me,
and I'll probably experiment a little until I figure out how best to go
about this whole blogging idea."

I would like to go back to that: no rules. After BEDA, it feels like I have to write a novel about my life for it to be considered a real post, but I used to just write a little paragraph when something was on my mind.

But today, I actually do have some things to write about. First, yesterday we had a regatta in Grand Rapids. It's nice that it hasn't been raining at every regatta. It was a little windy though. Neither of my boats medaled, but our first race, the WV4, was pretty unfair, and our second race, the WV8 went a little better. We got to go to the finals at least, and we held our own against OSU's boat for a good half of the race, which is a big improvement. My partner's footstretchers broke though because we were not in our usual boat, and we had to stop the race and get it fixed and then do the race later. Some people in my boat were so sad that we didn't medal that they were crying. I know how they feel because I used to cry after every swimming race last year when I failed at getting a good time. I think that was more about me not achieving a goal though, not about winning or losing. I never expect to win, and if we do, good, if not, no big deal. I judge us by how well we did compared to last time, and if it was fun/worth it.

Next, today was boat unloading. I'm glad I got to go outside and enjoy the weather for a while. I don't want to study today, but I know I have to. I think I have a cold, and I just feel disgusting. My nose is so stuffy and my mouth tastes bad and last night I didn't sleep as good as I would have liked, so today when I finally do start studying, I'll probably feel like falling asleep.

And my parents are coming up today to move a lot of my stuff out, including my entertainment center, probably my fridge and some clothes and my nightstand/drawer-thingy. So I have to pack up a bunch of stuff which gives me even less time to study, and I'm probably going to fail my exam tomorrow! Luckily this one will have more similar questions to the ones on the previous exams since it is the final so I can study the old questions, but knowing my teacher, this test will be just as badly written so I don't have much of a chance.

Song of the day: What Would You Say--Dave Matthews Band