Finals week is in full swing now. Today was my first one, for "Intro to Human Genetics" which I thought I was going to do horrible on because the previous exams in that class were so unfairly written, but a lot of the questions were recycled so maybe I didn't do too terrible. Nevertheless, I still don't want to get my hopes up just in case. Now I just have calc 3, which I have to learn by Wednesday and I'm not looking forward to, and an engineering multiple choice test, which barely counts as an exam. And I get my last paper back from "US and the World" so hopefully I scraped a decent grade and the extra credit will boost it up.
Overall though, I think I got pretty lucky with finals in my first year of college. Last semester I only had 2, though they were both hard ones, and this semester I have 2 hard ones and 1 easy one. Or maybe I just don't get as stressed out about them as other people. First of all, I am a skilled procrastinator, so that saves me a week or two of anxiety before finals, and then before you know it they are over, so no more to worry about. And second, in the long run, it doesn't really matter how well I do, as long as I live my life. Today Coach was driving some of us home from practice, and he can be kind of a scary driver sometimes, and Kelly made some joking remark about how if we were killed in a car accident, at least we wouldn't have to take finals. Then that transitioned into the subject of Coach's brother's roommate committing suicide the week before finals a few years ago. He just mentioned it so bluntly, and it was kind of shocking, but not necessarily surprising. I find I am not really surprised by anything, or maybe I am just really accepting or something, I dunno.
So anyways, this got me thinking about how if I were to commit suicide (WHICH I AM NOT!), would I be missed? I mean, sure, people would be sad and my parents would miss me and a few of my best friends, but would their life be any worse without me? I feel like people would think it was so tragic and whatever, but I don't add anything. I mostly just lurk in the background. I live vicariously through other people, and I am there for them if they need it, but why would they pour out their secrets to me if it's not reciprocated? I know that I am a trustworthy person, but it doesn't really matter what I think, it's what I do, or else no one knows about it. I don't know why it's so hard for me to open up to people though. I think part of it is the fact that I don't do anything interesting, and I guess part of me likes being mysterious, for some subconscious reason. I didn't mean to get off on that little tangent there, I was just thinking about stuff and trying to write it down so maybe someday I will finally figure out what I've been trying to say for so long.
On a completely unrelated note, today this was on Fmylife.com:
"Today, I sent everyone a text on my phone book saying, "Happy Star Wars Day!!!
May the Fourth be with you!!" I forgot to uncheck my exgirlfriend's number. She
texted back, "one of the many reasons I broke up with you." FML"
I thought that was cute, I wish there were more guys like that. Of course, I would probably never know if there were because I don't know how to have real conversations with most people. I have never actually heard of Star Wars Day, but I am a Harry Potter fan so I can relate. I wonder if he knows about nerdfighting.
Well, it has gotten extremely late, and I have extremely early morning practice, so I am going to try to sleep now. The past 2 nights I haven't slept well because I am sick, so we'll see how it goes. One more day to learn math, let's hope I'm not too tired to take anything in!
Song of the day: All-American Rejects--Gives You Hell
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