Blob.

BEDA started out good this year, but the past few posts have been emo and stressed-out and not good quality or interesting at all. And this is going to be another crappy post like that. I just have so much going on and I feel guilty taking time to write a well-thought-out, cohesive blog every day. I feel so disgusted with myself for all the things that I didn't get done this weekend when I had plenty of opportunities to do so. I just ate instead, and then I felt so gross I just wanted to throw it all up. Sorry, TMI. I need to stop relying on food as a comfort/distraction. Even when I feel sickened with myself, I keep going and eating when I want a break, because that's what I always do. How am I not obese yet? And now I just want to sleep because I stayed up all night last night catching up on stuff, but I have even more stuff to do tonight and I have a presentation tomorrow which I have to look decent for and not yawn through the whole thing and know what I am talking about. I'm hoping it will all turn out like it usually does, but that just makes me feel less bad about procrastinating, because it's like if everything works out in the end, why should I change my schedule next time? It becomes a challenge to see how long I can go without getting anything done, and I forget how hard it is and how trapped I felt in my mind. I want to do better, but I don't why I haven't gotten the hang of it after all this time.