Home again, home again

In 2011, I:
Lived with my best friends
Got a job that I had to have qualifications for
Drunkenly danced with a boy at a party and chose not to make out with him
Road-tripped to a swing dance workshop
Still didn't have a Valentine
Acquired an eye-inflammation problem and some skin problems, I guess I'm getting old and I have to deal with that kind of stuff now
Wrote a lot of haikus while attempting to blog every day in April
Failed at going to Harry Potter World for spring break
Went abroad by myself
Read the whole New Testament
Didn't go up north with my family in the summer for the first time since I was 6
Saw the last Harry Potter movie and was not thoroughly impressed
Joined a Bible study and met some really nice people
Learned Japanese
Followed my passion for ice cream
Turned 21 and had a proper celebration for it
Was a little more quirky and daring in my fashion choices
Got footie pajamas for Christmas
Got rid of a lot of shit in my room and decided (tentatively) how I want to redecorate it: light gray walls with turquoise accents. I'm just not sure if that is too cold-sounding, or if I want it to feel warmer with warm colors, but I think the cold is more me. I'm just tired of being cold all the time this winter. I feel so depressed when it gets dark and I live in a constant state of chilled-to-the-bone; I think I have caught the SAD (seasonal affective disorder) this year.
Achieved all of my new year's resolutions (0/0...awww yeah, high goals right here!)

Ideas for the future

A recipe from my Kroger-brand oven roasted turkey breast container, for someday when I own a panini-griller (or would a waffle maker work? who knows...)

Roast Turkey Panini
"great for dinner with a leafy green salad"

Ingredients:
1/4 cup cream cheese, softened
as needed Italian seasoning blend
Ciabatta loaf, cut in half lengthwise then cut in half
1/4 cup whole cranberry sauce
1 (9oz) tub Deli Thin Oven Roasted Turkey
10 slices red onion
to taste freshly ground black pepper

Directions:
1. Season cream cheese with a few dashes of Italian seasoning; spread on one slice of bread. On the other bread slice, spread the cranberry sauce.
2. Layer the roasted turkey slices and onion on top of the cream cheese bread slice and sprinkle with black pepper.
3. Prepare a preheated grill/griddle (medium heat) with cooking spray and grill for 3-5 minutes or until bread is golden brown.
4. Cut into 4 pieces and serve immediately.
Refrigerate any leftovers

Youth

Barbie sits on a shelf, long forgotten; now just a part of the scenery.
What a childish room.
I pick her up, notice how her hair is gray. How fitting.
She is old now.
I blow off the dust and the vibrant red peeks out.
She is young again.
I reminisce about youth, but I forget how to be young.

I am so not ready.

Two days until France! I am menatlly ready, or at least until I get to the airport and have to say goodbye, but I have not even started packing. I made a list today, but I don't know how to pack for two months!!

But that's not what I wanted this post to be about. Over the weekend, my dad wanted me to help him redo some sinking brick pavers in the driveway. "It's artsy, you'll like it, it'll take 10 minutes" he said to me (it actually took like an hour). I wasn't exactly enthused about it, but he didn't have to persuade me much, I'm just a good helpful daughter. Working with my dad reminds me of being a little girl and fetching the correct wrench from the toolbox and "helping" him fix up old cars. But while I was moving the bricks, I had an epiphany that it was very similar to real-life Tetris. That's where I get my love of Tetris from! I finally figured it out.

Also, judging by the trailer, the new Winnie the Pooh movie looks so cute!!!

Anna and the French Kiss

Since I'm going to France this summer, my friend lent me her copy of "Anna and the French Kiss" to read. Reading for fun feels so good now that school is out. I thought the book was really cute and relatable, but there's just one thing I kept thinking. Do characters ever remind you of people in real life? There's this one guy I know who I kept picturing as St. Clair, even though they are not that much alike. I guess because he is shorter than me and he always wears formal clothes and he is not American (ooh, Canadian, how exotic) and he speaks French. So I guess I associated the two of them and I think it affected my view of the interactions of the people in the book because I was superimposing fiction and real life. But I guess that's how all things are. I interpret the things I read with ideas I have formed up to that point.

There's another character I associate with someone in real life. One of the boys in the band "Big Time Rush" reminds me of my co-worker this semester. That's embarrassing to admit that I even know who Big Time Rush is (my brother sometimes watches Nickelodeon while I am home, and I have nothing better to do with my life...) and it's just secretly funny to me, because they do all these cheesy typical boy-band dance moves and I laugh in my head when I think about it.

Happy Mother's Day! My mom does so much for me, I need to get her a present and let her know I appreciate her more often :)

Swiss Cake Rolls

Oh the taste of chocolate on my toungue makes me feel so much better. I am planning on moving out of my house-at-school and back to my house-at-home for the summer (or at least the beginning of it) after finals are over (only 24 hours left until freedom!), so I have been trying to eat up the food that I have left. I'm basically down to noodles, and I'm not in the mood to cook them or eat them. So I drove to the store and bought Little Debbie Swiss Cake Rolls and kiwi fruit. And it feels so good. "Stressed spelled backward is desserts." That's what they say, right? Who's they? I don't know.

I just had to get away. My computer is the key to studying, but even though I have powerpoint slides of food microbiology open, I can't force myself to look at them. I keep going back and forth between facebook and youtube and nothing is new. So that's why I drove to the store. I have noticed I tend to drive to random places when I need to clear my head. Maybe it's the motor city influence. Being in my car alone I feel really free, and I can sing whatever I want and I can open the sunroof and put my foot on the gas pedal and go anywhere.

I feel studied out. I actually tried not to procrastinate this year, and I started studying for my Monday exam last Thursday, for my Tuesday exam starting on Saturday, and now the motivation is being convected away from my body (good heat and mass joke, eh? maybe?). But on the bright side, I am done with ECE forever! Everyone is starting to be done, and I still have two left. Whine, whine, life is sooo unfair.

Today is my half-birthday and one month until France! I want to go swimming. Also, I think my stupid eye problem that I had at the beginning of April is coming back :/

And let the records show that I have eaten 6 out of 12 Swiss Cake Rolls while writing this. That's kind of a lot. And yet I foresee myself eating more as soon as I press "publish post."

If you don't look you might miss it.

Today I was biking home from the caf and I saw the most beautiful twilight. Gorgeous pink and blue. The pink was so brilliant, but it was easy to miss if you were behind a building or something. I feel so lucky and connected to the universe when I see such beautiful sights. That kind of stuff can improve my mood instantaneously.

In the caf, I had a homemade milkshake. About an inch of milk, then fill up the cup to about 3/4 full will vanilla soft-serve, and generous amounts of sprinkles and chocolate chunks on top. I even added some strawberries for a twist. Then stir, and eat. Yum! I love going to the different stations of the caf and putting random things in a cup. They did not have chocolate chip cookies today and I was slightly disappointed, but nbd.

Also, obligatory "Osama bin Laden is dead" statement. I feel like lots of people are celebrating, but I feel like it's just sad that the world is like this. People shouldn't have to rejoice over a death. Maybe I would feel differently if I personally knew anyone who was directly affected by the 9/11 attacks. This isn't the end though; he's just one man. I don't know. I need to pray about it more.

1 exam down, 4 to go.

Everything takes longer than you think it will.

Today I was legitimately somewhat productive in my re-learning of heat transfer. And I didn't stuff myself with food out of frustration or [what's the word I'm looking for? when you take advantage of something because you don't get to do it often? I will be so relieved when I think of the right word, but I'm almost positive it won't come before I am ready to post this]. I spent all day in the huge, nice cafeteria on campus that even has bathrooms in it so there's no reason to leave. I was there for about 10 hours, which seems like a lot, but my record of staying in a caf is 13 consecutive hours. Yeah, I'm a champ. I ran into my old roommate from freshman year and we had a nice chat. I had rainbow sherbet and cake batter/mackinac island fudge ice cream. It's always fun to record what ice creams I have, none of the other food matters as much. Maybe I could do a list of ice creams I've had each year or month or season or something, like how Hayley records the number of Chipotle burritos.

Since it's the last day of BEDA, I am of course going to do a little "reflections" section. This April started out with me complaining about my eye, which is now completely better! I feel like something must have caused it that will come back to haunt me, but I am ignoring that possibility. Also, there was some extreme weather. We are finally into spring, with the mediocre temperatures and the rainy days, but there was some snow and some summer sunshine in there as well. I had some mood swings, with about an even amount of emo and happy days. I am currently content, but worried in the back of my mind because last time I was happy I completely was caught off guard at how hard my one exam was, and now I have 5 and I am not freaking out enough.

This month I met some friendly people by being a loner and going to things where everyone already knows each other but they were nice enough to let me hang out with them, and maybe I will get to know them better next year.

Hmmm, what else? The Royal Wedding happened just recently, but I didn't watch it so there's nothing to comment on there. Starship comes out today, but I am not going to watch it yet because it will throw me off of my studying.

Last April haiku, because I have been neglecting them:

Bug crawls across desk
let it scurry out of sight
it was never there

Let's see how far we've come

Today I put peanut butter on a bagel. I expected it to remind me of rowing, because that is a staple regatta food. But we don't toast those, so it was slightly different. Instead however, I was reminded of a childhood snack my mom used to give me, where you have some peanut butter, some little pretzel sticks, and goldfish crackers, and you put peanut butter on the pretzel stick and "fish" for goldfish, then you eat it! It was totally unexpected, I don't know why this particular dose of peanut butter reminded me of that, but it was enjoyable. Then I thought of another thing we used to make occasionally: mini cookie-hamburgers. You use vanilla wafers as a bun, and half an oreo as a patty, and colored frosting for lettuce and/or cheese. And of course, shoestring potato chips as mini french fries on the side.

Thinking about childhood makes me think about how far I've come. I think I am getting better at relating to people. Maybe not relating, but at least understanding. Before I go through something myself, it's hard to imagine myself in that position. I remember early on when I was in karate sensei said, "if I knew then what I know now, I would have lived my life differently." But even when people tell you things, you might not really get it until you experience it yourself. No matter what advice someone gives you, you will live your life doing what you think is right, according to what you know, not what someone else says. Now that I'm almost a senior, I realize how much I didn't know as a freshmen. Now that I'm a mentor for a class, I can see better from a teacher's perspective. You can only extrapolate what you know so far. I can imagine senior year, but actally living it, I'm sure things will come along that I never expected. Just like the last Harry Potter book was nothing like I expected.

Well, it's nice out and there's a bit of daylight left, so I am going to go for a short run :)

Dodge the Worms

Hello there, blog!

Last night I chose sleep over you, but if I had chosen you, I would have chosen Glee and Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 trailer which would lead to more youtube, and then misery this morning. So that's why I didn't blog yesterday. I need to focus for one week, then I'm done. Right now I'm blogging from a school computer, in a computer lab all by myself, instead of from my laptop at home. It's really nice having a whole computer lab all to yourself, no one is there to distract you or judge you for going on facebook when you should be doing engineering homework.

Yesterday I went to salsa dancing and it was really fun! It is similar enough to swing that I caught on really fast. I think the steps in swing dancing are harder to learn, but the style of salsa is harder to get down (meaning I wasn't born with hip-shaking abilities!) And we did this cool thing called rueda, where there are a bunch of couples in a circle and one person calls out certain moves, like changing partners or stomping in the middle, and everybody does them at the same time. Luckily I am a follow so I could just follow along without knowing what any of the commands mean. It was the last salsa club meeting of the year, but I hope I will have time to go back more next year!

Yesterday and today it has been rainy outside, and I feel like I am playing a game called "Dodge the Worms" on my bike! Seriously, where did they all come from?! I don't remember there being that many worms on the sidewalk when it normally rains. And I have to differentiate between worms and twigs, which makes it that much more exciting, lol.

See you tomorrow, blog!

Last swing dance :(

Today was the last swing dance of the school year. It's nice seeing everyone dressed up, but everyone is also stressed out because finals are coming up, and sad because some people will not be here next year. One girl is going to work at Sea World. One is finishing up classes over the summer, the doesn't know where she'll be. Other people I just won't see for the whole summer, including one of my best friends who is going to China. But I will be living it up in France, so I'm more excited than anything else! Tomorrow I plan to go to salsa dancing club for the first time, since my usual Wednesday night club meetings are done for the year. Then I plan to sleep a somewhat normal amount tomorrow night, and hopefully be as productive as possible to learn/re-learn everything that I was supposed to learn this semester for 5 finals in 4 days. I'm obviously pushing it to the back of my mind, or else I would be way more freaked out.

See you tomorrow, blog!

Second try.

I can't let that be my only post for today. If I am going to write at all, I want to write about my life, remember that I did things and not just have this be a forum for whining into cyberspace. So here are some things:
1. I just ate a huge piece of pineapple upside-down cake which my mom made for Easter. Yup, using food to avoid things yet again. I am aware that my eating habits are not the most healthy and I should exercise more control over what I ingest. But come on, food is my friend, it's even a core of my major.
2. I haven't shaved my legs in too long. I may very well turn into a yeti soon.
3. Caravan of Thieves is cool. Freaks is probably my favorite.
4. While we're on the subject of music, Josh Groban is awesome. I won't go as far as saying I'm in love with him because I've never met him, but some people just have great voices.
5. I am too tired to add to this list, but I shall try to put out more quality things If I am going to write at all.

See you tomorrow, blog!

Blob.

BEDA started out good this year, but the past few posts have been emo and stressed-out and not good quality or interesting at all. And this is going to be another crappy post like that. I just have so much going on and I feel guilty taking time to write a well-thought-out, cohesive blog every day. I feel so disgusted with myself for all the things that I didn't get done this weekend when I had plenty of opportunities to do so. I just ate instead, and then I felt so gross I just wanted to throw it all up. Sorry, TMI. I need to stop relying on food as a comfort/distraction. Even when I feel sickened with myself, I keep going and eating when I want a break, because that's what I always do. How am I not obese yet? And now I just want to sleep because I stayed up all night last night catching up on stuff, but I have even more stuff to do tonight and I have a presentation tomorrow which I have to look decent for and not yawn through the whole thing and know what I am talking about. I'm hoping it will all turn out like it usually does, but that just makes me feel less bad about procrastinating, because it's like if everything works out in the end, why should I change my schedule next time? It becomes a challenge to see how long I can go without getting anything done, and I forget how hard it is and how trapped I felt in my mind. I want to do better, but I don't why I haven't gotten the hang of it after all this time.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Song of the day I like brass. I miss playing baritone. Of course, I played flute in this song in high school, but I can play that whenever I want because I own one. I just like the big grand sound that brassy instruments make. I tried to start out on trumpet in 5th grade, but I was terrible; so terrible that I almost dropped out of band, but instead I switched to flute, and I'm so glad I stayed in band. Where would I be without the friends I made there?

Today I had candy for breakfast. I love jelly beans. Favorite Easter candy? I think yes. I love that my mom still gives me an Easter basket. I feel like writing a nice Jesus-related Easter post, but I have procrastinated my homework enough this weekend and I have to get on that, so I'm just going to make this a short post.

I may not always agree with my parents, but I absolutely love them.

Easter is a time for family. I might be a dork, but I don't mind spending time with my family. When I am home, I go with my mom to visit my grandma. I go to the movies with my parents. I like shopping with my mom. I go to church with my parents. I go to old lady fundraisers with my aunt. I listen to my dad and his siblings telling stories about their childhood. Maybe it's just because I'm not very social and I don't have a ton of good friends (don't get me wrong, the ones I do have are very high-quality friends), but why would I want to leave the shelter that I have with my parents? I know they won't be around forever, and I think it's worthwhile to get to know them as people who had lives before I was born and are still finding themselves just as I am finding myself. I know that I need to become an independent person eventually, and I'm glad I made the decision to go away to school, because I can't imagine how stifled I would have been living at home. I really have come far in the past few years, and every time I think about it I am shocked that in just over a year, I will officially be looking for a real, grown-up job. I feel like there is some kind of disconnect when I come home for the weekend, and I revert back to my most boring self, not accomplishing anything, wasting days away sleeping in and staying up late watching crap on TV or youtube videos or reading books or random stuff online (my dad just strolls past my door on the way to his room and says "Tara Lynn, doin' homework" in a proud-father voice. Uggh, it's so easy to fake smartness. I'm not even trying.) I can never even seem to go through all the junk cluttering my room when I am home for summer or spring break. I was supposed to be productive this weekend. I have like 4 major things I have to get done by Monday, and it's like now that I am at home, I am not even worried about anything. I just eat PopTarts and ice cream and strawberries all day. Tomorrow night is gonna suck.

Today I saw "Water for Elephants" with my parents. It was really good! I didn't really know what to expect, but Robert Pattinson is so much better when he's not in Twilight. I liked seeing him interact with the elephant! And Reese Witherspoon is always good. And I like trains, ever since I read Atlas Shrugged. Speaking of which, that movie is apparently in theaters now, but I haven't seen any ads for it so I don't think it's very big, or maybe it's just not very good, but of course it won't be good compared to the book, but I want to see it anyways.

Definitely feasting this weekend.

It's raining outside
and my eyes match the weather
why can't it just stop?

Happy Good Friday and Earth Day. I feel like a bad person for forgetting about Earth day, but it's not like I'm going to help the earth today because I have to drive home from school. I get to see my kitty this weekend! I haven't been home in so long, I'm pretty sure I am going to cry when I get there and my parents will think I am sad and something's wrong, when really I am just overloaded with deadlines and I want to sleep for a whole day and have all my work magically be done. 2 more weeks. Just keep swimming.

Spewing Run-on Sentences.

Warning, this post is boring and vain and whiny.

Awwwwwwwwwww man. I have been a busy little bee. Tuesday I was on campus from 8am until about 8:30pm working on the food dehydrator project, going to a study abroad meeting, then trying to print out some homework solutions to study from for my circuits exam before I went to a review session for said exam, but the website to get them wasn't working and I tried 4 different computers, so I figured it was kinda late and the review wouldn't be helpful anyways, so I just went to swing dancing. But if I had gone to the review, I woul have probably been late to swing dancing and missed the proposal, or walked in at the wrong time! I've never had a friend get married, only family, so it was pretty exciting. Everyone crowded around the door while he took her out in the hall, since they met at swing dancing. There was a vending machine in the way, but it was very cute. And then everyone went out to a bar/restaurant to celebrate and dancing ended early, and then it rained really hard and I stayed up all night studying for my exam with wet socks and pants. Then I went all day doing stuff (at sloth speed), and finally took a "nap" at 7pm, planning to get up in about an hour and then do some homework before bed, but when I woke up it was 11:30 so I just went to bed for real. Today I had to work on the project more and then go to the senior design showcase and watch all the presentations. We were also supposed to talk to someone from industry and network or learn something from them, and I hate talking to industry people. I never feel confident and I have no idea what questions to ask and I haven't had any internships so basically they don't care about me at all. Some people get all the offers, and I feel so incompetent.

One more week of classes, then finals, then I can relax!

vent.

Why do people gotta be so uptight?

I am one of the most patient people I know. I put up with most trivial things and don't judge, like when there is water all over the floor after my roommate gets out of the shower and then I go in the bathroom and my socks get wet. It's not really a big deal. I let other people have more control because I don't care how things turn out. It's all about the adventure, the journey. If one thing doesn't work, you get creative and improvise a solution. Imperfection is beauty. I was never aiming for perfect. I was aiming for having fun, making memories, learning, living life while I am here. But sometimes I realize how out of control I am. My emotions are so easily swayed by the people I trust the most. I want control of my life, but I want God to be in control of my life. I feel so conflicted about everything. I am just annoyed and I have to vent somewhere so that I can continue on with my life.

I haven't listened to my ipod in a while. I don't walk to class anymore, and it's not really convenient to listen to an ipod while biking, and I don't work out very often. So I'm enjoying the Newsies soundtrack right now :)

Squint. How much longer?
Melty snow attacks my face
Roll up to bike rack.

The awesome machine.

We finished our food dehydrator box prototype for the most part today. Now just minor details to add. But it looks so cool! I suggested it could be called "the awesome machine" but maybe it needs some more zing, like "the Awesome Machine X-5000" or something.

My toes are frozen
I just ate a tortilla
with cheese. Need more food.

Je ne veux pas faire mes devoirs. :(

It's supposed to snow tomorrow. That makes me very sad. It is not winter. Hasn't it been cold long enough?!

Fail Day.

Sooooo...today did not go as planned. Although I have been blogging every day, I have not been keeping up on my daily mini-workout. It barely takes a minute--that's nothing. I am so pathetic. Also, the empanada dough did not work out. So then we ended up being late to the dinner and we didn't even bring any food. And apparently the parking lot that is supposed to be free on weekends was not free, and I got a parking ticket. And I'm not going to the $5 prom either, because it's just too stressful. So I just bought some cinnamon rolls to make myself feel better. Basically, that is me giving up giving up "sweet" for Lent. I have broken down enough times and there's only a week left, so basically there's no point anymore. I guess when nothing is going right, you just say "c'est la vie" and go with the flow. I don't mind doing that so much.

But I did have some fun with power tools today, cutting a wood frame for a food dehydrator group project. And I got relatively more sleep than most nights.

Yesterday I went to the drag show. It's one of those things that I am glad I had the opportunity to experience, but I don't care to go to another one. Men dressed up as slutty women, dancing and lipsynching, and there was also one drag king. I was bored halfway through, but I couldn't leave, or else the friend that I went with would have had to either stay by herself or leave early with me and be disappointed.

Some other things that I am using to cheer myself up instead of being productive: tetris, and damnyouautocorrect. It's the website of the moment that provides a good laugh, but probably will get old as everyone starts sending in the same types of things repeatedly.

parking tickets suck
I do not want to pay it
I would have biked there

See you tomorrow, blog!

The Ides of April

It is halfway through BEDA now and I'm proud to say I have blogged every day, except for the first! I feel like everything is converging now. This weekend I am trying to fit in a bunch of fun things: tonight I'm going to see a drag show (that will be an interesting experience), tomorrow I am going to make empanadas for a potluck dinner for people in my major which I have to buy ingredients for tonight, then after the dinner is a dance where everyone wears something tacky that they can find for under $5, and I have to find an outfit for that preferably tonight. I also have to fit in some not-as-fun stuff, like studying and a group project. I finally got an email about an orientation for my study abroad in France this summer! I feel so overwhelmed, I just have to go one minute at a time.

The best haikus are
about food. it is known that
everyone likes food.

Nerd Jokes

Today I was inspired by the latest VlogBrothers video, "31 Jokes for NERDS!" After watching it, I proceeded to click on the link in the video description to the My Pants thread of nerd jokes, and found this one amusing:

"A mathematician, a physicist and an engineer are staying at a hotel.
At night the engineer wakes up and notices a fire in his room. He runs to the bathroom where he finds a bucket, fills it with water and throws it on the fire and goes back to sleep.
Later, the physicist wakes up and sees a fire in his room. He too runs to the bathroom where he finds a bucket. After a few calculations he fills the bucket with 2.6 liters of water and douses the fire.
Finally, the mathematician wakes up to yet another fire. He runs to the bathroom, notices the bucket. The water in the sink tells him that the tap works. "Ah, there is a solution!", he exclaims and goes back to sleep."

Now I am wasting my life googling more engineer-mathematician-physicist jokes.

No haiku today :/
See you tomorrow, blog!

Fruity Pebbles Birthday Narwhal

I wish I could take credit for thinking of that idea. Yup, it's a real thing. We made a rice-krispies style treat out of Fruity Pebbles shaped like a narwhal for my roommate's birthday today. Definitely in my top 5 favorite cereals. I might even go as far as saying top 3, but I don't think I could narrow my favorite cereals down to 3. Reese's Puffs should be included as well. I haven't had Cocoa Puffs in a long time. I don't think that's one of my top faves, but still good. I am not going to finish my list, and I am done talking about cereals. Except for this haiku:

Wake up in the morn-
No! Ke$ha get out my head!
Eat breakfast in peace.

Haha, I am so lame. (I almost tried to throw a reference to "gotta have my bowl, gotta have cereal" in there, but I decided against it...but then I used Ke$ha instead, so it's basically just as bad.) Meh, it's barely even about cereal; what can I say, I'm a heartbreaker.

I enrolled for my last year of classes yesterday, but I was too emo to talk about that. I was so excited about the prospect of new classes that until someone mentioned it on facebook, I forgot how weird it was that I will be graduating in a year! In the fall I am taking a beginning Japanese course, an online course about medieval culture or something, 2 engineering classes, and I kind of want to add a fun class like bowling, or possibly fruit and vegetable processing. I wanted to take tai-chi, but it got cancelled :( I would also be up for taking a music or art class, but none of the ones that are open to people not in the major seem to fit in my schedule. I'm just not sure whether I should keep a more open schedule and be less stressed, or pack in as much as I can while I have the opportunity. But I guess I am really amazed and grateful that the important things in my schedule seemed to work out. I remember last year thinking that this year was going to be so hard, and it kind of was, and now I am thinking about how good next year will be. I am just terrified of whatever is going to come after next year. !!! I'm getting so old.

Poop.

I don't feel like whining here today, but I don't feel much like writing anything else either. Currently I am eating a slightly unripe pear because I couldn't wait one more day. Eating distracts me from my myself. On the bright side, it's Tuesday which means it's dancing night. Here is a haiku about dancing:

Rock step, triple step
spin 'round, pretend to look cool
flow with the rhythm

I am sick of being clueless. I mean, we're all clueless really, aren't we? I can only know what I am seeing and feeling and thinking, and I can never know, truly know, what it is like to be someone else, or what is normal. If I keep looking at my blog title "Clueless" every day, it just reinforces it, and it's not very inspiring. As soon as I find something fitting I am changing it.

Also, today Maureen Johnson's 13 Little Blue Envelopes is available for free for 2 weeks and Team Starkid's Starship comes out on youtube on the 30th. Good luck, me, with not getting even more distracted.

School-related frustration.

I must be the most unproductive person I have ever met. I don't have any motivation. When I just have one thing to do, I can't do it. I need more things to do, so that when I am not in the mood for one, I will fall back on something else that is productive that is required of me, because if it's not absolutely necessary or I do not enjoy it, it will not get done. Sometimes I feel so ashamed of myself because I know I can do better and it is my fault for not studying more or putting in the time for something. Then I wonder if that's just how it was meant to be, how I was wired, how I work, that I really did try the best that I could and my mind just couldn't handle it, or if I had a life coxswain would I do better? What is my fault, and what isn't?

I wore shorts and no jacket to class today. It was plenty warm enough in the morning, but as the day went on it got slightly colder and windier, so I am changing into long pants before my lab. Last lab of the semester!!!! I had so much hope at the beginning of the semester; now it's all fading. One bad day, and your whole grade is ruined. I just want to sleep. I feel so unhealthy. Uggh. Indulgent, self-centered drama, lolz. Haiku time!

Force my wheels uphill
I'm weak, out of breath. Let go...
Freedom of the wind

I always think of the third line first for some reason.
See you tomorrow, blog!

To thine own self be true.

Apparently it is now summer. I am pretty sure Michigan is confused. We just went from winter to summer, no spring. Well, there were a few days of spring before the official first day of spring, then on the first day of spring, it went back to winter. So anyways, it is very nice out and I put off my homework to go for a walk outside so I wouldn't feel like I missed out. I walked by the building where I lived last year, so I decided to check out my old room (I forgot my room number and it was pretty sad because I remember my room number from freshman year, and those are the kinds of things I am usually good at remembering). I am pretty sure no one is living there this year. First, from the outside window I saw bunk beds with no sheets. Then I went inside and smelled the old familiar smell which made me nostalgiac, and then I walked by the room and there were no names on the door. Also, there was a big festival-type thing going on in the courtyard with inflatable bounce-houses and obstacle courses and a dunk tank.

Sun shines bright and hot
Many students trickle out
I walk by, silent

I also stopped by Starbucks on my walk and bought a vanilla frappuccino. I don't know why I went there, I just felt compelled when I saw it. I considered going to the grocery store, but then decided that would be too far and I would have to carry stuff back, so I just stuck to campus. I also listened to Mugglecast while I walked. The river looked so cool and tempting, but of course it's a dirty river and I didn't have a bathing suit, nor anyone daring with me, and you don't just go swim in the Red Cedar.

Well, I should get working on my lengthy to-do list (maybe after a snack)!
See you tomorrow, blog!

Rushed

Well, I actually got home with 6 minutes to spare to write a post and not break my streak of BEDA-ing.

Haiku:
I really like food
So I am making oatmeal
with dinosaur eggs

Man, those are getting easy. I need to get more creative, but I am pressed for time tonight.

Spring Retreat was good, I made new friends, connected with God, had some fun. Woot, Awesome!

See you tomorrow, blog!

Eggs and Stupid Eye.

Less than 4.5 hours to go until my test, can I learn everything? But hey, at least it's FRIDAY (everybody's looking forward to the weekend, weekend). I didn't have my bowl or my cereal (cereowl), I had scrambled eggs, and I didn't wake up at 7am, I got up at 9. Unfortunately, I thought my eye was better for about two days, but now it is puffing out again. Stupid eye.

Other than that I'm not sure what else I should write about today.

Haiku of the day:

Turn on the burner
Wait until my eggs heat up
Scramble, add cheese, eat.

Frozen foods

Yesterday I'm pretty sure I ate about 4 cups of ice cream with the BE club. Or more. One just can not be sad when one is eating ice cream. I took some home, too: raspberry base with chocolate syrup and oreos and chocolate chunks mixed in. Heavenly. Ice cream is probably my favorite food ever. I love frozen things: sorbet, gelato, smoothies, the only coffee I drink is frappuccinos (btw I had to look up the spelling of that, lol), frozen capri suns, frozen fruit (especially grapes), popsicles, snow. Yes, I eat snow. Only when it's fresh though. I can't wait until my dairy food processing lab next year! Needless to say, I am very happy that I was not born lactose intolerant. What would my life be?

Right now I am eating fish sticks and green beans for lunch. If I thought about it, I would have made some noodles too, but now it's too late for that. I have been craving fish sticks for the longest time, and I just finally got around to buying some.

Yesterday my mom did end up coming to visit even though it was raining, and she brought my brother along as a surprise, since he is on spring break this week. My mom's van had something wrong with it and it felt like it was going to stall out, but I guess they made it home okay. It was really nice to see them. My mom just sent me an email, which included the words "I loved your hair! How did you get it that way?" I don't think my hair could have looked much worse yesterday. I did absolutely nothing to it, and it was humid out, and it was probably all frizzed from riding my bike through the wind. Lol. I guess back in the 70s/80s it would have looked cool, so that's probably why she liked it.

At my university there is a College of Engineering poetry contest going on. Apparently there are prizes, but it is not specified on the website what they are so they are probably lame. Maybe if any of my haikus turn out good I will submit one, just for fun.

I should go put my laundry in the dryer and take a nap then study. After my exam tomorrow I am going on a spring retreat with a Christian group on campus, so I might not be able to blog on Saturday. And I can already tell...Sunday is going to be a day of youtube catch-up, and I'm going to put off my homework due Monday as long as possible.

Haiku of the day:

Wake up before sun
wind, rain, fire truck sirens
that is how life goes

See you tomorrow, blog!

Bad ice cream haiku...

I just looked at my blogger stats, which is something I have never thought to do before. Apparently I have well over 4000 views on my Young Johnny Depp post, which people find from Google images. That strikes me as funny, because I'm pretty sure I found that picture from Google images in the first place.

In other news, myspace is trying to get me to sign up so I can continue listening to free music by Oliver Boyd and the Remembralls. Sorry myspace, not happening (well, now the popup-thingy has stopped my music-listening pleasure 3 times and I noticed you can log in with facebook. on myspace. still not happening). Though it's a bit of a nuisance, I will continue to click the little x on your stupid ads, thank you very much. Speaking of music, I just want to say 1) I love Joshua Radin--when his voice floats through my headphones I feel like he is whisper-singing directly to me and I just melt, and 2) Gavin DeGraw is pretty cool as well.

God has given me a good day today. One of my group partners secured a spot for me in a class I need next year, and I probably won't have to take a stupid BS class (literally...BS = biological science) that I thought I would have to take, and we found e-board members for the swing dancing club. Now all I need is a subleaser for my room this summer and things will be all set.

Today I might
Hang out with my mom and make
Ice cream. Not same time.

yeah, that was a little forced. Time to sleep, seeing as I have a lot to do today, which in my mind feels like tomorrow because I haven't gone to sleep yet, I'm just posting this kinda early. See you tomorrow, blog!

Harry Potter connections work for everything.

Today for lunch I had a Lean Pocket of turkey, bacon, and cheese, wrapped in pretzel bread! It made the whole kitchen smell like pretzels and it was delicious. Alas, now it is in my tummy.

In one of my classes I have to read the book "Hot, Flat, and Crowded" by Thomas Friedman, and write a discussion post about the current chapter every Monday. The book is all about global warming and associated problems with the world, and now it is finally getting into Mr. Friedman's proposed solutions to slow down our carbon emissions, by taxing "dirty" energy sources and rewarding innovation and use of "clean" energy sources. But how are we supposed to convince people that it is better to spend money on more efficient systems if the current one seems to do the same work for cheaper. So many people are unaware of how badly we are treating the environment, they just care about if they have cheap gas to put in their car. What I am getting at with this is that I would like to make an analogy to Harry Potter, but I feel that it would not be the right place to do so in a class discussion post (*nerd shame*). So, Voldemort is like carbon emissions. The general public who is unaware of the state of the world, why more natural disasters are happening and it is snowing in April, is like the muggles who are unaware why the bridge collapsed and it is foggy out and random murders are going on around them. The government people debating about what is true and what isn't and getting nothing done, not leading innovation into the future is like the Ministry of Magic denying that Voldemort is back instead of realizing what is true and fighting the fight. I suppose someone like Al Gore could be Harry Potter. Telling us the "inconvenient truth" and hoping we listen before it's too late. What we need now in this world, is a Dumbledore's Army, or Order of the Phoenix. People to lead the "green revolution." Engineers and scientists to generate innovative ideas and implement them, policy makers to write the laws that need to be written, teachers to raise awareness in kids about this global issue. Maybe this is a little overdramatic, but it makes so much sense!

I might get to row
At the Dad Vail Regatta.
Just the fix I need!

I really miss boats, but on a cold, windy day like today, I'm a little bit glad that I don't have the time to spend every morning on the water. However, this opportunity is like the best of both worlds (not in the Hannah Montana sense). I get to experience all the fun of rowing, and hang out with the team, without all the stress! So hopefully that works out.

Okay, now I have to do my 50 crunches and figure out my homework! See you tomorrow, blog!

just another manic monday

I am not a huge fan of Mondays this semester. I have to get up at 7am (which I don't mind so much, seeing as it's sleeping in compared to when I was in rowing) and then I have to think all day until almost 4pm, and then sometimes even later, in which case I normally only have a small snack, and then I have a lab at 7pm, which can go as late as 10.

Since I haven't worked out in a long time, I decided to make a goal to do a minimum of 50 crunches every day. It doesn't sound like much, but it's more than I've been doing. And though I resolve in my mind that someday I will get up off my butt and go for a run, I really don't enjoy running. My campus is pretty big, so I do walk/bike a lot, and I walk up many stairs each day, but it's just not enough. I feel so untoned. All throughout high school, spring was the season when I would start swimming again after a long, inactive winter, and then it became the hard core rowing season, but now it is nothing. I want to join aerobic kickboxing again.

I should write haikus.
Yeah, this will be my first one.
It's about itself.

I just thought up the idea that I should write a haiku sometime this month, and I thought, why not now?, so then I wrote a haiku about a haiku. That sentence was pretty redundant. I don't write poetry much though, so I figured it would be good to explain myself. Maybe if it's not too hard I will try to do one every day...

See you tomorrow, blog!

Facebook Stalking

I finished John Green's Zombie Apocalypse Novella, "Zombicorns," today. I tried to do laundry but when there are 11 other people in your house it is sometimes being used already, so no luck there. I am still in my pajamas and it is 5:14 pm. I took care of my eye, which I am pleased to say has improved since yesterday. I haven't done much else.

Yesterday my post was supposed to be separated into paragraphs, but blogger changed it so it was one big lump of text and I tried to change it once, but it did the same thing again. Today I will add html tags to ensure that will not happen.

Today, Google's home page is celebrating the 119th anniversary of the first documented ice cream sundae. I'm glad they have their priorities straight over there :)

I was going to go for a run today if it was nice out, but it was not. Earlier it was snowing, but I didn't look out the window so I kinda missed that, then it was thunderstorming. I can hear birds chirping outside now, so maybe it's getting better. But come on, Michigan! Learn what season it is already!

It's weird when you have facebook friends from high school that you don't talk to anymore, and you find out they dyed their hair blonde, and now they kind of look like someone you watch on youtube. And other such things about people who you don't know anymore. And by "you", of course I mean "I". Last night I was feeling nostalgiac and I decided to look at all the pictures tagged of one of my friends, and I came across a couple that I am pretty sure were taken in my hometown at a seemingly random park long before I knew her. Obviously today is a boring, lazy day and it is time for me to wrap up this post.

See you tomorrow, blog!

No Foolin'

I totally forgot about BEDA this year, until Kristina Horner's post reminded me. And then a bunch of other new posts popped up in my RSS feed and I was quite excited. I was going to write yesterday, but I was compressing a hot, wet washcloth to my eye because it is swollen and I thought it would be too hard to type one-handed. And I had to clean my room for a small party. The party ended up being really fun. It was kind of a small gathering in honor of my roommate's birthday, but not actually a *birthday party*. Also it was part of a plot to set up two possible soulmates, so we'll see what happens there. Lol. We played telephone pictionary, which is going to be confusing if I explain it, but I will give it a go anyhow. So, everyone starts out with a piece of paper and writes down a fun sentence at the top. Then everyone passes their paper to the person to the right, and that person draws a picture of the sentence. Then you fold over the first sentence so the next person can only see the picture, then you pass your papers again and write a sentence based on the picture. Then you fold over the picture and pass it on, alternating between drawing and writing a sentence until everyone gets back their original paper (or I guess you can keep going if there are not a lot of people). Then you open it up and see how the sentence evolved, and hilarity ensues. Some people get creative and add Supermans where there weren't Supermans and dinosaur-duck hybrid babies, and change the whole plot of the sentence. We also played some other games, but I won't go into detail because that would just drag on. So like I mentioned at the beginning of this post, my eye is swollen. I'm not sure how this happened, but I just wish it would go away because it makes me look unsymmetrical and I have a constantly-raised eyebrow. I think it started last Sunday, but it was just a little tender, like I had been punched in the eye but I didn't have a black eye or anything odd-looking. Then on Tuesday I had an eye twitch, then I think the swelling started on Thursday. I thought it might be from wearing my contacts (which I wear very sparingly, but I did wear them Saturday night before this all started), and I have been eating a lot of salty snacks since I gave up sweets for Lent, I have mild spring allergies, I do not enjoy drinking water so I'm probably somewhat dehydrated, and I had two papers and a lot of homework due last week, which of course means stressing out and not enough sleep. But it's only the one eye now, so I don't know. TMI? Meh, that's what a blog is for, right? I need an eyepatch, and a way to see out of my free eye without glasses. Or, you know, the whole problem could just go away. That would be fine too. Okay, that is plenty for today. See you tomorrow, blog!

Raindrops

Also, not exactly related to my last post, but relevant in my mind, I want to add that it's raining right now. I feel like I have a connection to rain in this blog. On the one hand I hope it clears away some of the snow, but on the other hand I will have to walk in big puddles tomorrow and carry an umbrella around, and my rainboots are broken :( I just thought it was cool though that on my first night posting in over a month it happens to be raining.

Late-Night Hysteria

4:23 a.m. I should not be up, but I feel like it would be unproductive to go to bed at this point. I might as well stay up all night, do some homework, and take a nap before lab tomorrow. I think I found a study abroad program that might be the right one. I only wish I had found it sooner so I could have not waited until the last day to find out more about it. I hate deadlines sometimes. Most of the time, but without them of course nothing would ever get done. But if I do end up doing this study abroad, I will not be able to take the online class that I wanted to get over with, which might hinder my fun schedule for next year, I will miss the end of an era of Harry Potter and I will miss lots of other things. But it would be such a good experience! I hope whatever is supposed to happen in my life works out and I don't waste another summer. I might go to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter theme park in Florida during spring break though, and that would be so awesome!!!

I'm glad that February is almost over, and that it's the shortest month. It really has nothing good to offer. The "holidays" are over, all there is is Valentine's day, which sucks if you're single, and President's day, which nobody celebrates. And the novelty of snow has worn off and you're sick of walking around in it and you just want spring. That's how I feel at least.

First day of school jitters

Today was overall a good day. I love the first day of a new semester of fresh classes and the hope that maybe this time I will be organized and not get behind and learn thoroughly instead of just getting by, but I always inevitably fall behind. But this semester I don't have rowing so maybe it's possible. But I also have a job (!) and more classes than usual.

I got a new pair of skinny jeans over break and they are super-dark blue. So I wore them with my purple boots and I thought I looked pretty fashionable. They ended up dying my legs blue. I even took a shower and not all of it came off. I just thought that was funny, but I will probably read this post someday and think it is extremely boring and why do I have nothing better to write about than my legs turning blue. I guess it was funnier in my head.

I was just in a good mood today and I felt like spewing it out to cyberspace. as;dhkga;klhw;h;ha;hoiahdabonoiciownoanjakj
Whenever I type random letters, it starts with "a" and all letters from the middle row plus a few semicolons. So much for randomness :/